how to fail at grad school without really trying in 31 easy steps

[fearlesstemp]

1. Don't really decide on a life course, just sign up for a class for the hell of it, and also because it will get various family-types off of your back and help you feel like your brain isn't completely atrophying due to excess TV viewing and a string of mindless, maddening temp jobs.

2. Wait until the last possible second to register for a course, so that you have to spend hours on the University website on the verge of tearing your hair out, communicating with the rest of the world with little more than grunts and irate tirades sprinkled with expletives about the availability of courses, while knowing, deep down, that it's All Really Your Fault.

3. Find class with opening. Register. Rejoice!

4. Wonder for a moment why, exactly, the course wasn't full when all the others were.

5. Become convinced class will be awful and scary and boring and intimidating and that this is, again, All Really Your Fault.

6. Shove bad feelings aside! Rejoice at registering! Plan how This Term Will Be Different! Plans include (a) actually doing all of the course reading all of the way through, and (b) using a day planner as something more than another thing to clog up the space under your bed.

7. Go to first class. Be intimidated and scared and worried, but. Persevere! Go buy books!

8. Okay, unless it's really cold that day, and dark and scary, in which case it's okay to wait until the next day.

9. Or four days after that.

10. Or, you know, the day before the next class.

11. Drastically underestimate the breadth of the assigned reading.

12. Glance at it the night before class and panic! Decide to sit down and do the work right away!

13. Or right after phone call from friend.

14. And that other phone call from another friend.

15. And a girl's gotta eat!

16. Hey, the Guardian is on. (P.S. Awesome show. I recommend!)

17. And really, if one is supposed to be studying conceptions of masculinity, is there a better example of whacked-out masculine role models than Sonny Corinthos?

18. Dodge questions from maternal unit re: homework, using the same strategies developed ten years ago, when in eighth grade (lying).

19. Decide it is important to be informed about current events too. Hence Daily Show viewing.

20. Decide, no more TV! Go upstairs to computer room to study!

21. After one brief e-mail check.

22. And LJ check.

23. Look down at corner of screen and realize an hour has passed. Panic! Go out into hallway and sit away from all distractions and read.

24. Spend ten minutes contemplating quitting temp job after one day.

25. Focus! Read!

26. Become uncomfortable and decide to lie down on floor to read.

27. Fall asleep for forty minutes.

28. Wake up. Panic!

29. Go into computer room, deciding to type up article summaries while reading -- giving up on previous plan of reading all of the articles in-depth, and then going through and writing brief summaries.

30. Write this LJ entry instead.

31. Go back to work, finish reading in record time, get to bed in twenty minutes after writing sparkling, brilliant summaries, and get up tomorrow refreshed, ready to face the world (even if facing the world includes lots of shoveling -- that's how refreshed you will be!)! *

*To be completed

Comments

[remainthesame.livejournal.com]

17. And really, if one is supposed to be studying conceptions of masculinity, is there a better example of whacked-out masculine role models than Sonny Corinthos?

hee!

Re:

[fearlesstemp.livejournal.com]

GH can be educational! For example, in this article I was reading for my class about different models of masculinity across cultures, they were talking about this one iconoclastic guy, named Lorenzo, who was bookish and read a lot and wasn't as (for lack of a better word) macho as his other counterparts, so he was kind of thought of as strange. All I could think of while reading was "OMG!! It's like on GH!! Lorenzo the Soulful Academic/Reluctant Arms Dealer is *so* totally Lorenzo the Poor, Shunned Man in the Andalusian Town!"

But seriously, I have so much stuff to ramble on about GH, it totally warrants an e-mail, and so I'll leave this comment here. :)

P.S. Have I commented already on the adorability of your icon? I love it!

[kaelie.livejournal.com]

Jessers. Did you really read and fall asleep in the hallway?!?!?

Re:

[fearlesstemp.livejournal.com]

Dude. I totally did. Am so lame!

It's like Fox 317 all over again! :)

[foxyfrau.livejournal.com]

I hope your job isn't too bad and that the class is not too scary. Dazzle them with your brilliance! Or just avoid eye contact with the professor and don't raise your hand. :)

Re: It's like Fox 317 all over again! :)

[fearlesstemp.livejournal.com]

Aw, your subject line makes me all nostalgic. Fox 317! Skanky ass! Water glass! Woot-Woot, Woot-woot!

If I make no other contribution to American music, I will be satisfied.