a temporary receptionist's tale
Dec. 3rd, 2002 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fearlesstempFirst, I must again declare my undying love for JC and Blowing Me Up (With Her Love) which is, for me, a mood-altering drug the likes of which I have never before experienced. Mind you, I have a rather boring life history when it comes to controlled substances, but I still believe that it would be difficult for any chemical substance to top the auditory BMU(WHL) experience.
That said: I have a new temp assignment! Out of the blue, they called yesterday and I was there this morning at eight-friggin-o-clock in the morning which is, I know, not that early to most people, but to me it's, like, ungodly. I had to get up at 6:15! Six Fifteen! In the morning! It's the most awful kind of traumatic experience because I know I'm going to have to go through with it over and over again. I just don't think I'm meant to see any time before 7AM.
Anyway, drove to work, did not get lost despite confusing parking situation (Kindly Young, Cute Parking Attendant let me park in a forbidden lot after I ramblingly told my Pathetic Temp Story ("It's my first day! And I can't find the right lot! They told me Lot A, and Lot A won't let me in, and now I'm here at Lot B, and you don't have spaces for them either? [Pleading gaze]")!), and I actually arrived at the office early, believe it or not. And I had both applied makeup AND fully dried my hair. I know! Who is this creature and what has she done with the slothful, late, sloppy Jess you know and tolerate? Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon! Meaning tomorrow.
Anyhoo, was filling in for a receptionist. Now, let me tell you, I was jazzed when I heard I was filling in for a receptionist because I recalled those weekly hours I spent covering lunch at the Skeevy Slightly Swank Law Firm, where the phone rang once every twenty minutes, every call got sent to voicemail, and the bulk of my time was spent surfing the internet. It was, in a word, the closest to Heaven one can get in the office environment without JC being present.
So I had high hopes today! And then I walked in this morning and saw the first sign: The receptionist's computer was stationed eight feet behind the receptionist's desk and it faced the room. It was A Sign of things to come, for this was the Bigass Law Firm That Time Forgot! Correction! These were the Bigass Law FirmS That Time Forgot! Was there voicemail? No! Was there a fast internet connection? No! Was there running water in the mini-kitchen! You guessed it! No!
I was answering phones for not one, not two, but three separate law firms, all of which (as law firms are required to) had names that were either (a) long, (b) ridiculous sounding, (c) difficult to pronounce, or (d) all of the above. I had eleven lines to answer, six of which went to the law firm of A, W, and F; three of which went to the law firm of G and K, which consisted of two attorneys named Bryan and Brian; and two lines dedicated to one attorney's office, S.P.'s office. There were four secretaries who were distributed among the lawyers, one of whom was fired (over the phone) on my lunch break, and an accountant who sat next to the copier because he didn't have his own office or desk.
Dude. I cannot express to you how busy it was. Guess how many phone calls I took. No, seriously, guess. Ok, I'll tell you. Minimum? 150. 120 were actual documented phone calls, where I had to write down messages because the lawyer peep was out of the office/away from his or her desk/being annoying and not answering the phone for no good reason, unless you call Making The Temp's Life More Difficult a good reason. I went through the little message book and counted! I did! And then there were at least thirty, probably more, that I picked up and sent straight through to Attorney A or Secretary B.
Regardless! Crazy busy! And NO INTERNET! Did I mention that there was no internet? Because there wasn't.
By 1PM I'd started sneaking my Harry Potter book out and reading it under the desk whenever there weren't five phone lines ringing at once. Because as anyone who has worked as a secretary/receptionist will attest, there is a special kind of ESP all people possess that has yet to be fully recognized, and that power is the ability to detect when everyone else in the free world is going to call an office and then be subconsciously moved to call that office at that very moment so that the poor, stunned receptionist is faced with six simultaneous phone calls. This is made even more fun when you're answering the phone for three different firms.
It's really remarkable. Someone should harness this power.
A tally for today:
Number of people I hung up on when trying to transfer call: 1
Number of times I answered with the wrong firm name/forgot the firm name halfway through: 4. That I recall.
Number of times I answered the phone "Good morning/afternoon, can I help you?" because I wasn't sure which line or firm I was picking up for: Countless.
I think they may have had a head of cabbage filling in for them last week because they kept coming up to me this morning, when I was at the height of my answering with the wrong firm name/forgetting how to intercom calls glory, and saying "You are doing *great*." Even the Scary Firm Boss came out at three PM and told me I was doing a wonderful job! AND they complimented me on my phone voice. They said I sounded very sure of myself which, hello, is such a joke, as I am so totally not sure of myself at all times. And when I say "at all times" I mean "at all times". Including right now, when I'm not sure whether that period goes on the inside or the outside of the quotation marks. Oh, I can feel my writing tutor credentials being snatched away by the Grammar Gods and Goddesses!
Anyhoo. It was ok, if busy and tiring, tiring mainly because I got far less sleep than I should have. The reason I got far less sleep than I should have is directly tied in to the reason why I was particularly bitter about not having net access: I have been pulled into the vortex that is Harry Potter. I just, I love it so much. I stealthily read the books at work. I was up late last night watching a copy of the movie I borrowed from the local library. And I have become pathetically, pathetically drawn into Harry Potter fanfiction. And not even the cool Harry Potter fanfiction! I mean, I'm sure the dark Draco/Snape/other characters I don't really know because I haven't finished all the books-based fic is fabulous and deep and complex and awe-inspiring in their scope, but! I don't know. I don't know what's come over me. Sometimes I just need sweetness and light and maybe the girl who pines actually getting the guy and Ron and Hermione acting all Maddie and David except getting a happy ending. I am reading thinly-veiled Mary Sues in many cases and, you know what? I couldn't be happier! Well, I couldn't be happier, taking into account the fact that I live in a universe where JC is not, in fact, Mine and Mine Alone and my temp job doesn't give me net access.
Other than that? Couldn't be happier with my Mary Sue Fic-Readin' Ways.
That is all.
That said: I have a new temp assignment! Out of the blue, they called yesterday and I was there this morning at eight-friggin-o-clock in the morning which is, I know, not that early to most people, but to me it's, like, ungodly. I had to get up at 6:15! Six Fifteen! In the morning! It's the most awful kind of traumatic experience because I know I'm going to have to go through with it over and over again. I just don't think I'm meant to see any time before 7AM.
Anyway, drove to work, did not get lost despite confusing parking situation (Kindly Young, Cute Parking Attendant let me park in a forbidden lot after I ramblingly told my Pathetic Temp Story ("It's my first day! And I can't find the right lot! They told me Lot A, and Lot A won't let me in, and now I'm here at Lot B, and you don't have spaces for them either? [Pleading gaze]")!), and I actually arrived at the office early, believe it or not. And I had both applied makeup AND fully dried my hair. I know! Who is this creature and what has she done with the slothful, late, sloppy Jess you know and tolerate? Don't worry, I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon! Meaning tomorrow.
Anyhoo, was filling in for a receptionist. Now, let me tell you, I was jazzed when I heard I was filling in for a receptionist because I recalled those weekly hours I spent covering lunch at the Skeevy Slightly Swank Law Firm, where the phone rang once every twenty minutes, every call got sent to voicemail, and the bulk of my time was spent surfing the internet. It was, in a word, the closest to Heaven one can get in the office environment without JC being present.
So I had high hopes today! And then I walked in this morning and saw the first sign: The receptionist's computer was stationed eight feet behind the receptionist's desk and it faced the room. It was A Sign of things to come, for this was the Bigass Law Firm That Time Forgot! Correction! These were the Bigass Law FirmS That Time Forgot! Was there voicemail? No! Was there a fast internet connection? No! Was there running water in the mini-kitchen! You guessed it! No!
I was answering phones for not one, not two, but three separate law firms, all of which (as law firms are required to) had names that were either (a) long, (b) ridiculous sounding, (c) difficult to pronounce, or (d) all of the above. I had eleven lines to answer, six of which went to the law firm of A, W, and F; three of which went to the law firm of G and K, which consisted of two attorneys named Bryan and Brian; and two lines dedicated to one attorney's office, S.P.'s office. There were four secretaries who were distributed among the lawyers, one of whom was fired (over the phone) on my lunch break, and an accountant who sat next to the copier because he didn't have his own office or desk.
Dude. I cannot express to you how busy it was. Guess how many phone calls I took. No, seriously, guess. Ok, I'll tell you. Minimum? 150. 120 were actual documented phone calls, where I had to write down messages because the lawyer peep was out of the office/away from his or her desk/being annoying and not answering the phone for no good reason, unless you call Making The Temp's Life More Difficult a good reason. I went through the little message book and counted! I did! And then there were at least thirty, probably more, that I picked up and sent straight through to Attorney A or Secretary B.
Regardless! Crazy busy! And NO INTERNET! Did I mention that there was no internet? Because there wasn't.
By 1PM I'd started sneaking my Harry Potter book out and reading it under the desk whenever there weren't five phone lines ringing at once. Because as anyone who has worked as a secretary/receptionist will attest, there is a special kind of ESP all people possess that has yet to be fully recognized, and that power is the ability to detect when everyone else in the free world is going to call an office and then be subconsciously moved to call that office at that very moment so that the poor, stunned receptionist is faced with six simultaneous phone calls. This is made even more fun when you're answering the phone for three different firms.
It's really remarkable. Someone should harness this power.
A tally for today:
Number of people I hung up on when trying to transfer call: 1
Number of times I answered with the wrong firm name/forgot the firm name halfway through: 4. That I recall.
Number of times I answered the phone "Good morning/afternoon, can I help you?" because I wasn't sure which line or firm I was picking up for: Countless.
I think they may have had a head of cabbage filling in for them last week because they kept coming up to me this morning, when I was at the height of my answering with the wrong firm name/forgetting how to intercom calls glory, and saying "You are doing *great*." Even the Scary Firm Boss came out at three PM and told me I was doing a wonderful job! AND they complimented me on my phone voice. They said I sounded very sure of myself which, hello, is such a joke, as I am so totally not sure of myself at all times. And when I say "at all times" I mean "at all times". Including right now, when I'm not sure whether that period goes on the inside or the outside of the quotation marks. Oh, I can feel my writing tutor credentials being snatched away by the Grammar Gods and Goddesses!
Anyhoo. It was ok, if busy and tiring, tiring mainly because I got far less sleep than I should have. The reason I got far less sleep than I should have is directly tied in to the reason why I was particularly bitter about not having net access: I have been pulled into the vortex that is Harry Potter. I just, I love it so much. I stealthily read the books at work. I was up late last night watching a copy of the movie I borrowed from the local library. And I have become pathetically, pathetically drawn into Harry Potter fanfiction. And not even the cool Harry Potter fanfiction! I mean, I'm sure the dark Draco/Snape/other characters I don't really know because I haven't finished all the books-based fic is fabulous and deep and complex and awe-inspiring in their scope, but! I don't know. I don't know what's come over me. Sometimes I just need sweetness and light and maybe the girl who pines actually getting the guy and Ron and Hermione acting all Maddie and David except getting a happy ending. I am reading thinly-veiled Mary Sues in many cases and, you know what? I couldn't be happier! Well, I couldn't be happier, taking into account the fact that I live in a universe where JC is not, in fact, Mine and Mine Alone and my temp job doesn't give me net access.
Other than that? Couldn't be happier with my Mary Sue Fic-Readin' Ways.
That is all.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-12-04 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-04 08:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-04 12:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-05 10:30 pm (UTC)oops, sorry there, got a bit off track. :)
no subject
Date: 2002-12-05 10:27 pm (UTC)