fearlesstemp | car experiences

I had to buy new tires because they were just about smooth in the front, and even a car tard like myself knows that's not good. And so I dragged my sorry butt up to WalMart this morning. Here, submitted for your approval, my wacky tire-purchasing adventures, which were neither adventure-y nor wacky.

There's just something about me and cars. I turn into the biggest pile of stupid that ever existed every time I have to discuss them with some kind of car professional. Do we recall the time I mistakenly referred to my mildly ghetto station wagon as a convertible? Or the numerous times I've had to harass friends and family to check the oil because I still can't figure out how to?

Anyway, this morning I drove into WalMart to get two new tires. Two front tires. And that's what I told the guy at the desk.

Ian the Automotive Guy: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I'd like to buy some tires.

Ian: Ok, what size?

Me: ...size? I want front tires.

Ian: [disbelieving stare]

Me: They're on a Ford Escort station wagon! Does that help?

Ian: [still with the Stare of Disbelief]

Me: I'm sorry. Was I supposed to check the size?

Ian: I'm going to go out to your car and look.

Me: Want me to look?

Ian: No! No! It's ok. You stay here.

{long break while Ian the Automotive Guy does his thing)

Ian: Ok, you've got R57185beta63niners.

Me: What?

Ian: [Ignoring] So what kind of tires do you want?

Me: Um. All weather tires?

Ian: All weather tires?

Me: Yes. I definitely want all weather tires.

Ian: O...k. Well, what kind of all weather tires?

Me: There are kinds?

Ian: [sighs loudly] Yes. There are kinds.

Me: Do you, like, have a list?

[Ian points at massive tire advertisement behind my head]

Me: Oh! Haha! Right there! Haha! Hm...I want...I don't know...[pointing]that one.

Ian: Which one?

Me: The 40,000 mile ones. Not that this car will make it another forty thou. Ha! Haha!

Ian: [Grim stare, not appreciating The Humor] I'm going to go check the inventory and see if we've got them.

Me: Ok! Thanks!

[ninety second period where I try to avoid the death stares of all the people waiting in line behind me]

Ian: Ok, we've got them. Now, do you want the tires in back rotated to the front? Or these just put on the front?

Me: Um. I. I don't know. Do whatever you think is right.

Ian: Ok. You're all set.

Me: Ok! Thanks! Bye!

Really? What is my problem?! I know! I'm dumb! I just have to learn to accept it.