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notes from the trenches
Dec. 7th, 2002 01:29 amWhat's with the daily updates about my adventures at a job I find incredibly annoying and boring? Why must I torture all of you? I guess I'm just a sucky person. Regardless of personal suckiness, submitted for your approval, Notes From the Desk of a Disgruntled Temporary Receptionist. Note that all time gaps are there because I was too busy to write. 150+ calls today, at least 120 written messages.
And! No internet!
8:58AM -- Something smells at my desk and I'm terribly afraid that it's me. Am reminded of my father's most recent temp horror story, when the girl the agency sent over smelled so bad that he told her she could leave early. He couldn't even bring himself to go near the desk to give her work, which, come to think of it, is a smidge comforting, for even if I am the cause of the mild stench (a horrifying prospect at first glance), it could mean less work and an early departure. Must ponder.
9:25AM -- Barrage of phone calls, including one from a person who refused to hang up/be put on hold/leave a number to be reached at, a District Attorney's Office, a new client, and (my personal favorite) a collect call from the County Jail. Consider shooting self, remember do not advocate violence in the workplace, decide to eat a candy cane instead. Realize the time and how many hours there are until five and reconsider personal stance on violence in the workplace.
2:11PM -- Midmorning: Hella busy. Did mail, hung up on boss's wife. Good times. Mom unit called mid-craziness, telling me I'd forgotten to save the cover letter I was up till 2AM writing to the disk I gave her. Again consider ritual suicide. Morning break: Call mom from hall bathroom to confer and devise plan of action. Mom does my bidding, gets job's phone number. The plan is to call on my lunch break to get fax number for resume. Lunch break: Go to call from hallway, cannot get signal on cell phone. Curse fates. Only option: Call from bathroom of bagel joint where I get lunch, as streets are too busy, my car too far away, etc. Bathroom at bagel joint: One-seater (good), smelly (not so good), fan system that sounds like a turbine (bad). No choice but to phone from turbine toilet, expecting to get office assistant type person, instead get boss-type and have to endure a brief impromptu interview. Nerves shot. Am sure sounded like the Dumbest Person Ever. Regardless, got fax number, call mother, who faxes resume. Sit, eat, am merrily reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban when - gasp! - I realize I've got two minutes to walk a block and get up nine floors to office. Am mocked by passerby because of my jittery nature at busy intersection. Laugh with passerby, for he is right and his tone wasn't cruel. Race into office, grab water, phones are suspiciously silent and then the onslaught. Is now 3:05PM. Took an hour to write this paragraph.
4:15PM -- HP:PoA is finished. Loved it to pieces, natch. Am reading Gish Jen's Typical American, an actual grown up book. Which is not to say that I don't think HP is a quality book -- I loved it -- but let's face it, I suck, and I do care what people think, I see the condescension on the stupid partners' faces when they see what I'm reading, and I'd like them to know that I also read books that are considered to be grown-up books. Loathe self for caring what people think. Channel self-loathing into already-existing negative vibes toward callers.
4:59PM -- Can taste freedom. Phone rings. Again, curse fate, but caller just asks if someone is in, they aren't and he leaves it at that. No message.
5:00PM -- !! Time to bolt!
5:09PM -- Not really. Have apparently been possessed by someone else. Just had the following conversation with Asshole Client, who was on his third or fourth phone call to yours truly of the day. Every time he was an utter and complete asshole, which I'm not sure communicates completely through typed text. He was rude every time he called, both in tone and in words, and every time I got off the phone with him I was fuming. Tonight he called AFTER BUSINESS HOURS to talk to the Big Boss Attorney and decidedly Wasn't Happy to speak to me. There are two things in all my time working in attorneys' offices that frustrate me most: (1) Attorneys who refuse to accept/return calls and therefore cause people to grow frustrated and bitter and angry and take such emotions out on the first line of the law firm, and (2) People who refuse to recognize that the Receptionist is but a tool of the attorneys and really, she is not trying to ruin your life, and she is not squirreling away all of your messages so you're attorney won't call her back. Basically? It's not her fault that either (a) you picked a bad attorney, or (b) you're such a horrible person to deal with that even the most decent attorney would have a brutal time dealing with you.
Anyway. Got that off my chest. A brief approximation of the call, which I am typing up right now, from memory, hours later, but I think I've preserved the spirit of the convo:
Intrepid Receptionist: Good afternoon, A W & F.
Asshole Client: Mr. A, please?
IR: He's left for the day, can I take a message?
AC: [heavy sigh]
IR: Hello? Could I get your name?
AC: I've already called three times and he hasn't called me back.
IR: (Recognizes voice, does best to hide intense dislike) I'm very sorry, sir, he was in meetings all --
AC: I know, he was in meetings all afternoon, that's what you told me before. When I called. MULTIPLE TIMES.
IR: Right. Would you like me to take your name and number again and have him get back to you?
AC: (accusatory) I've already done this twice! I really needed to speak to Mr. A earlier, and I keep talking to you!
IR: I know, I'm sorry but Mr. A couldn't be disturbed. I tried to contact him but I couldn't.
AC: (heavy sigh. still accusatory) I can't believe he didn't get back to me. I don't know if he's not getting his messages, or --
IR: (Internally: "He did NOT just go there, implying my temp abilities are LACKING! That I'm INCOMPETENT! I'm the only one allowed to think/say such things!" Take deep breath.) I *gave* him his messages. And didn't you talk to Mr. A's secretary earlier when I couldn't interrupt Mr. A?
AC: I *needed* to speak to HIM. And I couldn't get THROUGH. I kept talking to YOU.
IR: (deep breath) Mr. A was in a meeting, he couldn't be disturbed, and I'm sorry if he never got back to you but it's NOT MY FAULT. Have a good day. (slams phone down)
AC:
IR: (stares horrified at the phone)
I can't believe I did that! I can't! What came over me? I have never behaved in such a way! Must have been some combination of the late time (after I was supposed to leave), my lack of sleep the night before, and, well, basic annoyance with the person in question. But still! Just about hung up on him! Am afraid I'll be fired or Mr. A will yell at me. Do I care? Not too much. Simply will have to make sure I get paid for this week.
And that is all for now. Firefly on tape. Firefly! I heart you! May you live long and prosper!
( ETA this, because you need to know which Justified song I am )
And! No internet!
8:58AM -- Something smells at my desk and I'm terribly afraid that it's me. Am reminded of my father's most recent temp horror story, when the girl the agency sent over smelled so bad that he told her she could leave early. He couldn't even bring himself to go near the desk to give her work, which, come to think of it, is a smidge comforting, for even if I am the cause of the mild stench (a horrifying prospect at first glance), it could mean less work and an early departure. Must ponder.
9:25AM -- Barrage of phone calls, including one from a person who refused to hang up/be put on hold/leave a number to be reached at, a District Attorney's Office, a new client, and (my personal favorite) a collect call from the County Jail. Consider shooting self, remember do not advocate violence in the workplace, decide to eat a candy cane instead. Realize the time and how many hours there are until five and reconsider personal stance on violence in the workplace.
2:11PM -- Midmorning: Hella busy. Did mail, hung up on boss's wife. Good times. Mom unit called mid-craziness, telling me I'd forgotten to save the cover letter I was up till 2AM writing to the disk I gave her. Again consider ritual suicide. Morning break: Call mom from hall bathroom to confer and devise plan of action. Mom does my bidding, gets job's phone number. The plan is to call on my lunch break to get fax number for resume. Lunch break: Go to call from hallway, cannot get signal on cell phone. Curse fates. Only option: Call from bathroom of bagel joint where I get lunch, as streets are too busy, my car too far away, etc. Bathroom at bagel joint: One-seater (good), smelly (not so good), fan system that sounds like a turbine (bad). No choice but to phone from turbine toilet, expecting to get office assistant type person, instead get boss-type and have to endure a brief impromptu interview. Nerves shot. Am sure sounded like the Dumbest Person Ever. Regardless, got fax number, call mother, who faxes resume. Sit, eat, am merrily reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban when - gasp! - I realize I've got two minutes to walk a block and get up nine floors to office. Am mocked by passerby because of my jittery nature at busy intersection. Laugh with passerby, for he is right and his tone wasn't cruel. Race into office, grab water, phones are suspiciously silent and then the onslaught. Is now 3:05PM. Took an hour to write this paragraph.
4:15PM -- HP:PoA is finished. Loved it to pieces, natch. Am reading Gish Jen's Typical American, an actual grown up book. Which is not to say that I don't think HP is a quality book -- I loved it -- but let's face it, I suck, and I do care what people think, I see the condescension on the stupid partners' faces when they see what I'm reading, and I'd like them to know that I also read books that are considered to be grown-up books. Loathe self for caring what people think. Channel self-loathing into already-existing negative vibes toward callers.
4:59PM -- Can taste freedom. Phone rings. Again, curse fate, but caller just asks if someone is in, they aren't and he leaves it at that. No message.
5:00PM -- !! Time to bolt!
5:09PM -- Not really. Have apparently been possessed by someone else. Just had the following conversation with Asshole Client, who was on his third or fourth phone call to yours truly of the day. Every time he was an utter and complete asshole, which I'm not sure communicates completely through typed text. He was rude every time he called, both in tone and in words, and every time I got off the phone with him I was fuming. Tonight he called AFTER BUSINESS HOURS to talk to the Big Boss Attorney and decidedly Wasn't Happy to speak to me. There are two things in all my time working in attorneys' offices that frustrate me most: (1) Attorneys who refuse to accept/return calls and therefore cause people to grow frustrated and bitter and angry and take such emotions out on the first line of the law firm, and (2) People who refuse to recognize that the Receptionist is but a tool of the attorneys and really, she is not trying to ruin your life, and she is not squirreling away all of your messages so you're attorney won't call her back. Basically? It's not her fault that either (a) you picked a bad attorney, or (b) you're such a horrible person to deal with that even the most decent attorney would have a brutal time dealing with you.
Anyway. Got that off my chest. A brief approximation of the call, which I am typing up right now, from memory, hours later, but I think I've preserved the spirit of the convo:
Intrepid Receptionist: Good afternoon, A W & F.
Asshole Client: Mr. A, please?
IR: He's left for the day, can I take a message?
AC: [heavy sigh]
IR: Hello? Could I get your name?
AC: I've already called three times and he hasn't called me back.
IR: (Recognizes voice, does best to hide intense dislike) I'm very sorry, sir, he was in meetings all --
AC: I know, he was in meetings all afternoon, that's what you told me before. When I called. MULTIPLE TIMES.
IR: Right. Would you like me to take your name and number again and have him get back to you?
AC: (accusatory) I've already done this twice! I really needed to speak to Mr. A earlier, and I keep talking to you!
IR: I know, I'm sorry but Mr. A couldn't be disturbed. I tried to contact him but I couldn't.
AC: (heavy sigh. still accusatory) I can't believe he didn't get back to me. I don't know if he's not getting his messages, or --
IR: (Internally: "He did NOT just go there, implying my temp abilities are LACKING! That I'm INCOMPETENT! I'm the only one allowed to think/say such things!" Take deep breath.) I *gave* him his messages. And didn't you talk to Mr. A's secretary earlier when I couldn't interrupt Mr. A?
AC: I *needed* to speak to HIM. And I couldn't get THROUGH. I kept talking to YOU.
IR: (deep breath) Mr. A was in a meeting, he couldn't be disturbed, and I'm sorry if he never got back to you but it's NOT MY FAULT. Have a good day. (slams phone down)
AC:
IR: (stares horrified at the phone)
I can't believe I did that! I can't! What came over me? I have never behaved in such a way! Must have been some combination of the late time (after I was supposed to leave), my lack of sleep the night before, and, well, basic annoyance with the person in question. But still! Just about hung up on him! Am afraid I'll be fired or Mr. A will yell at me. Do I care? Not too much. Simply will have to make sure I get paid for this week.
And that is all for now. Firefly on tape. Firefly! I heart you! May you live long and prosper!
( ETA this, because you need to know which Justified song I am )
