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further notes from the front desk
Nov. 23rd, 2004 05:13 pmQ: What phrase do I dread more than all others?
A: Maybe you can help me.
Because I almost never can.
The following are the instances in which I can help people:
-If they need to know our fax number
-If they need to know our physical address
-If they need to know if an attorney is associated with the firm
Other than that, nope!
The best part is that most of the time, people don't believe me. Perhaps they think I have low self-esteem, or am modest or something, and that if they just encourage and believe in me, if they're dogged enough in their determination not to just go to friggin' voicemail, I will reveal some heretofore undiscovered wealth of legal knowledge.
It goes like this:
Fearless Temp: Random Attorney is away from his desk/on the phone/in a meeting. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
Annoying Caller: Maybe you can help me.
FT: Actually, I'm not familiar with RA's cases at –
AC: Well, you see, it's not that complicated – we're buying a house out of state, and there's an outstanding judgment against it blah blah blah
FT: I really wouldn't –
AC: But it's just one question – do we have to contact the sellers if blah blah blah lien blah blah blah
FT: Could I just get --
AC: Blah blah blah
FT: – your number –
AC: Blah blah blah blah, and so we were just wondering, does the third page have to be notarized?
FT: I DON'T KNOW! I'M A TEMP! A DUMB TEMP! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, GO TO VOICEMAIL! VOICEMAIL! VOOOOOOOOIIIIIICEMAAAAAAAAAAAIL!
AC: Well, I never.
Ahem. There may have been some dramatic license there. Okay. So really, it usually ends like this.
AC: Blah blah blah blah, and so we were just wondering, does the third page have to be notarized?
FT: I don't know, actually.
AC: Oh.
FT: Would you like me to take a message, or leave one in voicemail?
AC: I'll just call back.
This is another frustration of my work existence: The Call Backers. Call Backers never want to leave a number, or a message, or a voicemail, or any sign that they once called. They want to call back. And when they do call back, they become actively annoyed should the attorney not be available at that time either, as if the attorney is committing a personal slight by not sitting by the phone waiting for a call they did not know was coming! Because the Call Backer didn't want to leave a message letting the attorney know they had called before!
And this doesn't even take into account the people who are calling back for attorneys who are ducking their calls. People. Leave a message. Always leave a message. Are you someplace where you can't be reached? Still leave a message saying that you called, what you called about, and when you will be calling again. Please. I'm saying this FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Honest, I am!
Two other phone conversations I have several times a day:
Conversation One:
Fearless Temp: All Irish Law Firm?
Annoying Caller: Hi, yeah, an attorney called me? I'm calling him back.
FT: You're returning his call?
AC: Yes.
FT: Do you happen to know his name?
AC: No.
FT: Awesome.
Conversation Two:
Fearless Temp: I'm sorry, Random Attorney is on the phone, can I take a message?
Annoying Caller: I'll hold.
Internal FT: Goddammit.
External FT: All right.
[One minute later]
FT: He's still on his line, do you want to continue to hold?
AC: [heavy sigh of extreme frustration] Do you know when he'll be off?
Internal FT: Well, let me put on my handy FutureVision Goggles . . . yes, yes, I see him hanging up in precisely . . . eight minutes and forty-five seconds.
External FT: No. No, I don't.
~fin~
A: Maybe you can help me.
Because I almost never can.
The following are the instances in which I can help people:
-If they need to know our fax number
-If they need to know our physical address
-If they need to know if an attorney is associated with the firm
Other than that, nope!
The best part is that most of the time, people don't believe me. Perhaps they think I have low self-esteem, or am modest or something, and that if they just encourage and believe in me, if they're dogged enough in their determination not to just go to friggin' voicemail, I will reveal some heretofore undiscovered wealth of legal knowledge.
It goes like this:
Fearless Temp: Random Attorney is away from his desk/on the phone/in a meeting. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
Annoying Caller: Maybe you can help me.
FT: Actually, I'm not familiar with RA's cases at –
AC: Well, you see, it's not that complicated – we're buying a house out of state, and there's an outstanding judgment against it blah blah blah
FT: I really wouldn't –
AC: But it's just one question – do we have to contact the sellers if blah blah blah lien blah blah blah
FT: Could I just get --
AC: Blah blah blah
FT: – your number –
AC: Blah blah blah blah, and so we were just wondering, does the third page have to be notarized?
FT: I DON'T KNOW! I'M A TEMP! A DUMB TEMP! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, GO TO VOICEMAIL! VOICEMAIL! VOOOOOOOOIIIIIICEMAAAAAAAAAAAIL!
AC: Well, I never.
Ahem. There may have been some dramatic license there. Okay. So really, it usually ends like this.
AC: Blah blah blah blah, and so we were just wondering, does the third page have to be notarized?
FT: I don't know, actually.
AC: Oh.
FT: Would you like me to take a message, or leave one in voicemail?
AC: I'll just call back.
This is another frustration of my work existence: The Call Backers. Call Backers never want to leave a number, or a message, or a voicemail, or any sign that they once called. They want to call back. And when they do call back, they become actively annoyed should the attorney not be available at that time either, as if the attorney is committing a personal slight by not sitting by the phone waiting for a call they did not know was coming! Because the Call Backer didn't want to leave a message letting the attorney know they had called before!
And this doesn't even take into account the people who are calling back for attorneys who are ducking their calls. People. Leave a message. Always leave a message. Are you someplace where you can't be reached? Still leave a message saying that you called, what you called about, and when you will be calling again. Please. I'm saying this FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Honest, I am!
Two other phone conversations I have several times a day:
Conversation One:
Fearless Temp: All Irish Law Firm?
Annoying Caller: Hi, yeah, an attorney called me? I'm calling him back.
FT: You're returning his call?
AC: Yes.
FT: Do you happen to know his name?
AC: No.
FT: Awesome.
Conversation Two:
Fearless Temp: I'm sorry, Random Attorney is on the phone, can I take a message?
Annoying Caller: I'll hold.
Internal FT: Goddammit.
External FT: All right.
[One minute later]
FT: He's still on his line, do you want to continue to hold?
AC: [heavy sigh of extreme frustration] Do you know when he'll be off?
Internal FT: Well, let me put on my handy FutureVision Goggles . . . yes, yes, I see him hanging up in precisely . . . eight minutes and forty-five seconds.
External FT: No. No, I don't.
~fin~
