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pantyhose pantyhose pantyhose
May. 26th, 2004 02:58 pmHow dedicated an employee am I? So dedicated that I devoted a good chunk of my lunch hour to maintaining the corporate dress code.
How do these stories always start? Ah yes: I was running late. I am always running late. This morning was particularly bad, though; six minutes before the designated time I should leave (if I'm going to be on time -- almost never happens) I found myself standing in my bedroom in my bra and underwear, hair soaking wet, one leg of pantyhose pulled up. At this point I realized I had a hole in the upper-thigh portion of said stocking (but only one teeny run taking off from it). I also realized that I had no time to find another pair, so I just grabbed the nearest bottle of nail polish (Mauvelicious, the color currently chipping its way off of my toenails) and slathered a bit of it beneath the hole and pulled the other leg up, all the while cursing the pantyhose gods.
All was well for about an hour and a half. Then, just as I was trying to debate the relative merits of croissaint vs. apple pastry (there was a meeting downstairs and they ordered too much food), I noticed the first tell-tale run, and by lunch, I had a strip of bare skin showing on my right leg. Very fashionable.
My initial solution was to just take the stockings off and walk aware with bare legs, corporate regulations be damned! This plan was hampered by the following:
(1) My legs' pigment currently best resembles that of a fresh ream of copy paper;
(2) Aforementioned pigment provides a nice backdrop for anything dark like, say, my leg hair (I envy fair-haired people who can get away with skipping a few days shaving their legs because no one notices! I get a five o'clock shadow all over within a day or two. Okay, maybe not that bad.); and
(3) Bare feet in the shoes I'm wearing today make a farty noise when I walk.
And so I went to the grocery store! And am again compliant with the dress code.
In other news: I have been doing crazy things at work the last three days, things that just beg for a rambly LJ entry, but I think these are crazy confidential things! Dammit! Maybe next week, when it will no longer matter.
And now, I collate.
How do these stories always start? Ah yes: I was running late. I am always running late. This morning was particularly bad, though; six minutes before the designated time I should leave (if I'm going to be on time -- almost never happens) I found myself standing in my bedroom in my bra and underwear, hair soaking wet, one leg of pantyhose pulled up. At this point I realized I had a hole in the upper-thigh portion of said stocking (but only one teeny run taking off from it). I also realized that I had no time to find another pair, so I just grabbed the nearest bottle of nail polish (Mauvelicious, the color currently chipping its way off of my toenails) and slathered a bit of it beneath the hole and pulled the other leg up, all the while cursing the pantyhose gods.
All was well for about an hour and a half. Then, just as I was trying to debate the relative merits of croissaint vs. apple pastry (there was a meeting downstairs and they ordered too much food), I noticed the first tell-tale run, and by lunch, I had a strip of bare skin showing on my right leg. Very fashionable.
My initial solution was to just take the stockings off and walk aware with bare legs, corporate regulations be damned! This plan was hampered by the following:
(1) My legs' pigment currently best resembles that of a fresh ream of copy paper;
(2) Aforementioned pigment provides a nice backdrop for anything dark like, say, my leg hair (I envy fair-haired people who can get away with skipping a few days shaving their legs because no one notices! I get a five o'clock shadow all over within a day or two. Okay, maybe not that bad.); and
(3) Bare feet in the shoes I'm wearing today make a farty noise when I walk.
And so I went to the grocery store! And am again compliant with the dress code.
In other news: I have been doing crazy things at work the last three days, things that just beg for a rambly LJ entry, but I think these are crazy confidential things! Dammit! Maybe next week, when it will no longer matter.
And now, I collate.
