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Jan. 6th, 2003 01:13 amI have a job interview tomorrow.
Ah, interviews. How I loathe them. I swear, I drop forty IQ points when I walk through the door and spend the bulk of the interview trying to figure out how to get them back. The last interview I went on, I actually had to ask them to repeat a question. Seriously. Like one of those really sad beauty pageant finalists.
Ah, my last interview. My last interview was...what's the phrase I'm looking for? A disaster. It opened with me having to fill out some kind of occupational survey ("What qualities do you possess?" on one side of the pamphlet; "What qualities make a good employee?" on the other. Both with the same list of qualities) -- it was so nerve-wracking. Do I answer honestly? Do I shade in "absent-minded" and "forgetful"? Or do I shade in "detail-oriented" and "punctual"? Basically: Do I tell the truth or shamelessly lie?
I ended up somewhere in the middle. I mean, come on, I had to shade in "punctual" even though I am chronically late because, duh. And really, would you hire an absent-minded secretary?
I felt kind of guilty about it, though.
And then we moved on to the interview portion. Which lasted an hour, and consisted of being asked questions from a stapled-together packet. Ok, here's the thing: It was a secretarial position. And dude, being a secretary? Is not easy! You work hard, you don't get paid much, you have to smile and be nice and pretend to laugh at your bosses' jokes. It's not easy!
But! Really! Do you need to know what my greatest disappointment in life is in order to know if I am the person you want typing up your memos? (Answer: To be honest, at the moment, sitting through that interview ranked pretty high up there) Do you really need to know where I see myself in five years to know if I can handle covering reception over lunch? (Answer: Living in a villa with JC Chasez) Is it really imperative that you know what I would like to improve in order to know if I'm the gal to order the lunch platter for your weekly meetings? (Answer: What? Improve in myself? The world in general? I don't know! Get me out of this God-forsaken wood-paneled conference room!!!!)
I think I'm going to walk into the interview tomorrow, slam down my resume and announce, loudly and with authority, the following: "Listen. I can type 80WPM (well, really 77, but who's counting?), I can speak conversational English (on a good day), I'll show up (unless there's an *NSYNC concert in the tri-state area), and I practice good personal hygiene (true). I can recognize an affidavit of service and I know how to use one (mostly). And I think that's all you need to hear to decide if I'm the temporary legal secretary for you."
And then I swish my hair dramatically and stalk out of the room.
Ah, screw it. We all know I'll go in tomorrow and be all timid and nice and trip over my words as I try to explain just what, exactly, my priorities are.
Ah, interviews. How I loathe them. I swear, I drop forty IQ points when I walk through the door and spend the bulk of the interview trying to figure out how to get them back. The last interview I went on, I actually had to ask them to repeat a question. Seriously. Like one of those really sad beauty pageant finalists.
Ah, my last interview. My last interview was...what's the phrase I'm looking for? A disaster. It opened with me having to fill out some kind of occupational survey ("What qualities do you possess?" on one side of the pamphlet; "What qualities make a good employee?" on the other. Both with the same list of qualities) -- it was so nerve-wracking. Do I answer honestly? Do I shade in "absent-minded" and "forgetful"? Or do I shade in "detail-oriented" and "punctual"? Basically: Do I tell the truth or shamelessly lie?
I ended up somewhere in the middle. I mean, come on, I had to shade in "punctual" even though I am chronically late because, duh. And really, would you hire an absent-minded secretary?
I felt kind of guilty about it, though.
And then we moved on to the interview portion. Which lasted an hour, and consisted of being asked questions from a stapled-together packet. Ok, here's the thing: It was a secretarial position. And dude, being a secretary? Is not easy! You work hard, you don't get paid much, you have to smile and be nice and pretend to laugh at your bosses' jokes. It's not easy!
But! Really! Do you need to know what my greatest disappointment in life is in order to know if I am the person you want typing up your memos? (Answer: To be honest, at the moment, sitting through that interview ranked pretty high up there) Do you really need to know where I see myself in five years to know if I can handle covering reception over lunch? (Answer: Living in a villa with JC Chasez) Is it really imperative that you know what I would like to improve in order to know if I'm the gal to order the lunch platter for your weekly meetings? (Answer: What? Improve in myself? The world in general? I don't know! Get me out of this God-forsaken wood-paneled conference room!!!!)
I think I'm going to walk into the interview tomorrow, slam down my resume and announce, loudly and with authority, the following: "Listen. I can type 80WPM (well, really 77, but who's counting?), I can speak conversational English (on a good day), I'll show up (unless there's an *NSYNC concert in the tri-state area), and I practice good personal hygiene (true). I can recognize an affidavit of service and I know how to use one (mostly). And I think that's all you need to hear to decide if I'm the temporary legal secretary for you."
And then I swish my hair dramatically and stalk out of the room.
Ah, screw it. We all know I'll go in tomorrow and be all timid and nice and trip over my words as I try to explain just what, exactly, my priorities are.
