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Between the bloodsucking ferrets in my ceiling, the spiders racing across my desk at work, and the wormy chocolate given to us by the senior partners at the office, I'm just Jackie Hanna on wheels as of late, except for the part where I hate and wish an untimely death upon the critters I come across instead of loving and wishing to protect them.
The Terminix man is coming on Friday, which is good since I've given up the fight and have started sleeping on my brother's vaguely smelly couch in his vaguely smelly room. All this even after I brought the two Adventure Kitties into the attic hoping for them to do their Badass Kitty Thang. No dice! Molly cowered in fear and refused to go more than three feet from the door to the rest of the house, and Scout staked out every section of the attic except for the part where the critters are actually stationed. So inept!
It's ridiculous. I mean, these cats regularly bring carcasses of what were once cute animals to our front door and can do NOTHING about animals living in their own house. I mean, one time Scout brought a LIVE BIRD into the house in her mouth, LET IT GO, and let it start flying all over the house. And she sleeps on the bed next to me while I'm sitting up wide-eyed listening to strange mouth-breathing noises and following the sound of the scurryscurryscurry across the ceiling with my eyes. Idiot cat.
On the topic of idiot cats, I just got back from cleaning up after their acts of civil disobedience. Whenever we leave them on vacation or refuse to let them play outside for more than a day, they respond by defecating all over the basement. Well, that's not true. The defecate in one area of the basement, always within five feet of the just about clean litter box as if to twist the knife. "Ha!" they say. "Ha! They will not let us frolic outside on the green grass and so we will take massive craps all around, but not in, the litterbox to make our humans' lives more difficult! Haha!"
Stupid incompetent crapping kitties. I love them so much. Scout just came in here and when I typed instead of petting her, she put her little paws on my knee and gave me her best Pathetic Lonely Kitty Look and I kind of caved, but then lost focus and started typing again and now she's sitting in the hallway facing away from me, in full-out Disdainful Kitty mode. And now she just took off. I bet she's off to sit on my bed and drift off to dreamland to the sounds of the scurryscurryscurry of the critters overhead.
This post was brought to you by the bloodsucking ferrets, Scout, Molly, and Jess's incredible need to get an actual life so she can stop posting about gross animal stuff.
The Terminix man is coming on Friday, which is good since I've given up the fight and have started sleeping on my brother's vaguely smelly couch in his vaguely smelly room. All this even after I brought the two Adventure Kitties into the attic hoping for them to do their Badass Kitty Thang. No dice! Molly cowered in fear and refused to go more than three feet from the door to the rest of the house, and Scout staked out every section of the attic except for the part where the critters are actually stationed. So inept!
It's ridiculous. I mean, these cats regularly bring carcasses of what were once cute animals to our front door and can do NOTHING about animals living in their own house. I mean, one time Scout brought a LIVE BIRD into the house in her mouth, LET IT GO, and let it start flying all over the house. And she sleeps on the bed next to me while I'm sitting up wide-eyed listening to strange mouth-breathing noises and following the sound of the scurryscurryscurry across the ceiling with my eyes. Idiot cat.
On the topic of idiot cats, I just got back from cleaning up after their acts of civil disobedience. Whenever we leave them on vacation or refuse to let them play outside for more than a day, they respond by defecating all over the basement. Well, that's not true. The defecate in one area of the basement, always within five feet of the just about clean litter box as if to twist the knife. "Ha!" they say. "Ha! They will not let us frolic outside on the green grass and so we will take massive craps all around, but not in, the litterbox to make our humans' lives more difficult! Haha!"
Stupid incompetent crapping kitties. I love them so much. Scout just came in here and when I typed instead of petting her, she put her little paws on my knee and gave me her best Pathetic Lonely Kitty Look and I kind of caved, but then lost focus and started typing again and now she's sitting in the hallway facing away from me, in full-out Disdainful Kitty mode. And now she just took off. I bet she's off to sit on my bed and drift off to dreamland to the sounds of the scurryscurryscurry of the critters overhead.
This post was brought to you by the bloodsucking ferrets, Scout, Molly, and Jess's incredible need to get an actual life so she can stop posting about gross animal stuff.
