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heart attack!
May. 23rd, 2002 05:36 pmSo I've got this book, Cause Celeb by Helen Fielding, which I took out of the library oh...forever ago as a nice fun read to avoid working on my thesis. Ah! Astute readers may remember that I handed in my thesis almost two months ago! So you get an idea how overdue said book is.
Anyway, today I was thinking: what if the library ever goes hardcore and just, like, storms my room and takes Cause Celeb back to its rightful place and me with it? Well, not me to the library, but to my rightful place which, in this paranoid warped conception of the world, would be the police department next door? I'd have no defense! I'm completely in the wrong!
After having these neurotic fantasies while spacing out at work, I came home and was chillin' in the kitchen when my phone rang. I dodged the series of obstacles in my bedroom and grabbed the phone off-balanced from hopping over a pile of videotapes on the floor and distracted by the delicate task of balancing the spoonful of ice cream I had just scooped from the Ben & Jerry's container as a pre-dinner snack. Grab phone, pick up,
Me: Hello!
Random Person: Hello, this is the [County name deleted] County Library.
Me: [heart stops] Uh.
RP: I'm trying to reach [mumblemumblemumble]
Me: [over the sound of my beating heart, cocking an ear to hear the troopers raging up the front staircase to burst into my bedroom with guns drawn a la Elian Gonzalez] What? Who? What?
RP: Is this the right number? Is Ge[mumblemumble]eve there?
Me: What? [Internally: "WHAT? WHO IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?! WHO? STOP TORTURING ME! SPIT IT OUT! ENUNCIATE!"]
RP: Uh -- Ge[mumblemumble] -- maybe I'm not pronouncing it--
Me: [On the brink of confessing, tearfully admitting my guilt all "Listen! You've got me! I haven't returned the book! It's right here on my shelf, I'm looking at it right now! I could have returned it! I haven't even lost it! Listen, call up Hollywood Video and Blockbuster, I've got a rap sheet a mile long at all of their locations within a five mile radius! Take me away! Just -- be gentle."] Wait, who?
RP: Uh...is this ***-8390?
Me: What? No. No it isn't!
RP: I'm sorry. [click]
Dude, seriously almost had a heart attack. I gotta get my ass in gear and return this book! I bet I owe more than the GD thing would cost if I bought it!
Or maybe I'll just get the roommate to go to the video store with me to rent the Princess Diaries on her non-sullied-by-late-fees card. Decisions, decisions...
Anyway, today I was thinking: what if the library ever goes hardcore and just, like, storms my room and takes Cause Celeb back to its rightful place and me with it? Well, not me to the library, but to my rightful place which, in this paranoid warped conception of the world, would be the police department next door? I'd have no defense! I'm completely in the wrong!
After having these neurotic fantasies while spacing out at work, I came home and was chillin' in the kitchen when my phone rang. I dodged the series of obstacles in my bedroom and grabbed the phone off-balanced from hopping over a pile of videotapes on the floor and distracted by the delicate task of balancing the spoonful of ice cream I had just scooped from the Ben & Jerry's container as a pre-dinner snack. Grab phone, pick up,
Me: Hello!
Random Person: Hello, this is the [County name deleted] County Library.
Me: [heart stops] Uh.
RP: I'm trying to reach [mumblemumblemumble]
Me: [over the sound of my beating heart, cocking an ear to hear the troopers raging up the front staircase to burst into my bedroom with guns drawn a la Elian Gonzalez] What? Who? What?
RP: Is this the right number? Is Ge[mumblemumble]eve there?
Me: What? [Internally: "WHAT? WHO IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?! WHO? STOP TORTURING ME! SPIT IT OUT! ENUNCIATE!"]
RP: Uh -- Ge[mumblemumble] -- maybe I'm not pronouncing it--
Me: [On the brink of confessing, tearfully admitting my guilt all "Listen! You've got me! I haven't returned the book! It's right here on my shelf, I'm looking at it right now! I could have returned it! I haven't even lost it! Listen, call up Hollywood Video and Blockbuster, I've got a rap sheet a mile long at all of their locations within a five mile radius! Take me away! Just -- be gentle."] Wait, who?
RP: Uh...is this ***-8390?
Me: What? No. No it isn't!
RP: I'm sorry. [click]
Dude, seriously almost had a heart attack. I gotta get my ass in gear and return this book! I bet I owe more than the GD thing would cost if I bought it!
Or maybe I'll just get the roommate to go to the video store with me to rent the Princess Diaries on her non-sullied-by-late-fees card. Decisions, decisions...
