Oh, but I should spare you! Because I still don't know what I'm talking about, or even really what I'm thinking! I wish I did. It's all a jumbled mess. I guess the gist of it is just that as I'm getting older, in spite of all the scandal and ridiculousness, I find myself being drawn more and more towards the church I was kind of resistant to growing up. That church doctrine somehow snuck its way in! All of a sudden I'm realizing that yes, I do believe all life is sacred! (Am still Pro-Choice, of course! It's possible to do both.) And also, that whole idea abut faith without good works being dead? I'm with you there! Social justice? So totally down with that. Suffering as central to human experience? Totally.
I read a column on Salon that expressed some of what I'm realizing about myself - this paragraph in particular:
If the teachings of the church and the rhetoric of John Paul II were completely in conflict with my heart, it would be easy: I could walk away any time. But how do I reconcile what I know now with a philosophy that brought gentleness, simplicity and connectedness to my life? Can I forgive a man who looked the other way while my contemporaries were being abused, even though he was also a man who spoke passionately against war and for tolerance? If I ask to be loved not just for my best self but for my sins, and if I believe in a God who challenges me to be good but embraces me even when I'm weak, how can I not do likewise? I'm just a Catholic, and that's what we do.
There's other stuff jumbling around in my head but argh! It's so confused and won't make sense and, just, grr!
I think what this means, for the most part, is that I'm going to have a harder time justifying skipping mass every weekend.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2005-04-15 05:46 am (UTC)I read a column on Salon that expressed some of what I'm realizing about myself - this paragraph in particular:
If the teachings of the church and the rhetoric of John Paul II were completely in conflict with my heart, it would be easy: I could walk away any time. But how do I reconcile what I know now with a philosophy that brought gentleness, simplicity and connectedness to my life? Can I forgive a man who looked the other way while my contemporaries were being abused, even though he was also a man who spoke passionately against war and for tolerance? If I ask to be loved not just for my best self but for my sins, and if I believe in a God who challenges me to be good but embraces me even when I'm weak, how can I not do likewise? I'm just a Catholic, and that's what we do.
There's other stuff jumbling around in my head but argh! It's so confused and won't make sense and, just, grr!
I think what this means, for the most part, is that I'm going to have a harder time justifying skipping mass every weekend.