have you met my granddaughter?
Aug. 30th, 2004 05:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fearlesstempDid I mention in my last entry that I only got ninety minutes of sleep last night? Because I did. I have never longed so much for the below-desk cubby George created on that episode of Seinfeld.
Seinfeldish Epiphany of the Month: If George Costanza and Cosmo Kramer mated, the result would be my father. There are, like, two people reading this who will fully appreciate the accuracy of this description. As for the rest: now you have a vague idea of what you'd experience if you ever met my father.
Speaking of paternal figures: The Grampster.
He continues to kick it bitter in the nursing home, which I understand. It's a sucky place to visit, let alone stay, and he and I have taken to having these bizarre inspirational-sports-movie-esque conversations, where I feel like some old coach telling this beat up former champ that he can do it again, really he can. I find myself saying things like, "You have to believe in yourself! That's the first step!"
I annoy myself in these conversations. I'm surprised he still speaks to me.
Continued Amazing Cluelessness of My Family: My grandfather can't use the bathroom by himself, or stand on his own, or do much of anything. He fired one of his aides before he had his surgery and nothing has been done to replace her or prepare the remaining aides to handle his new condition.
Naturally two of my aunts want to take him home! To his house, not theirs.
"He tells me that they never do rehab with him anyway," Aunt 1 says.
"And wouldn't it be a nice birthday treat to come home?" Aunt 2 says.
"Oh my God, are you insane?" says my little branch of the family tree.
First: He does get rehab (my father has witnessed it). The thing is, he either doesn't remember that it happens or he does remember and is lying about it to my aunts. He's definitely crafty enough to lie.
Second: It would be nice, but he's in no condition!
Anyway, all this led up to me overhearing the following conversation between my father and my uncle Jim, who is married to my father's sister Christine.
Dad: Hey Jim, how's it going? Is Christine there? Oh. Okay. Just give her this message: [tone completely changes from Jovial Jim to Angy Attorney] The old man cannot go home. It would be a death sentence. [tone returns to Jovial Jim] Good talking to you! Bye.
Tonight I think I'm going to head over to the nursing home and visit. Perhaps we'll have a replay of Friday evening's dinner.
[Grandpa, Mary, and Aram sit together at a table waiting for their dinner. Aram's family and I stand around the table, chatting.]
Grandpa: Have you met my granddaughter? This is Jessica.
Self: [Waves a hand] Hi!
Everyone: Hello!
Mary: I'm cold.
Grandpa: You need a sweater! Jessica, get her a sweater.
Self: Mary, do you want one? I could run to your room if you wanted?
Mary: No, dear, I'm fine.
Self: Okay.
[Two minute pause.]
Grandpa: Have you met my granddaughter? This is Jessica.
Self: [Waves a bit more tentatively.] Hi!
Everyone: Hello!
Mary: I'm cold.
Grandpa: You need a sweater! Jessica --
Self: I already asked, but --
Grandpa: She needs a sweater!
Self: All right, all right. Mary, would you like me to go to your --
Mary: No, dear, that's fine.
Self: Okay. Just let me know.
[Two minutes of something else]
Grandpa: Have you met my granddaughter Jessica?
Anyway. Good times! It's 5PM, time for me to blow outta here.
Seinfeldish Epiphany of the Month: If George Costanza and Cosmo Kramer mated, the result would be my father. There are, like, two people reading this who will fully appreciate the accuracy of this description. As for the rest: now you have a vague idea of what you'd experience if you ever met my father.
Speaking of paternal figures: The Grampster.
He continues to kick it bitter in the nursing home, which I understand. It's a sucky place to visit, let alone stay, and he and I have taken to having these bizarre inspirational-sports-movie-esque conversations, where I feel like some old coach telling this beat up former champ that he can do it again, really he can. I find myself saying things like, "You have to believe in yourself! That's the first step!"
I annoy myself in these conversations. I'm surprised he still speaks to me.
Continued Amazing Cluelessness of My Family: My grandfather can't use the bathroom by himself, or stand on his own, or do much of anything. He fired one of his aides before he had his surgery and nothing has been done to replace her or prepare the remaining aides to handle his new condition.
Naturally two of my aunts want to take him home! To his house, not theirs.
"He tells me that they never do rehab with him anyway," Aunt 1 says.
"And wouldn't it be a nice birthday treat to come home?" Aunt 2 says.
"Oh my God, are you insane?" says my little branch of the family tree.
First: He does get rehab (my father has witnessed it). The thing is, he either doesn't remember that it happens or he does remember and is lying about it to my aunts. He's definitely crafty enough to lie.
Second: It would be nice, but he's in no condition!
Anyway, all this led up to me overhearing the following conversation between my father and my uncle Jim, who is married to my father's sister Christine.
Dad: Hey Jim, how's it going? Is Christine there? Oh. Okay. Just give her this message: [tone completely changes from Jovial Jim to Angy Attorney] The old man cannot go home. It would be a death sentence. [tone returns to Jovial Jim] Good talking to you! Bye.
Tonight I think I'm going to head over to the nursing home and visit. Perhaps we'll have a replay of Friday evening's dinner.
[Grandpa, Mary, and Aram sit together at a table waiting for their dinner. Aram's family and I stand around the table, chatting.]
Grandpa: Have you met my granddaughter? This is Jessica.
Self: [Waves a hand] Hi!
Everyone: Hello!
Mary: I'm cold.
Grandpa: You need a sweater! Jessica, get her a sweater.
Self: Mary, do you want one? I could run to your room if you wanted?
Mary: No, dear, I'm fine.
Self: Okay.
[Two minute pause.]
Grandpa: Have you met my granddaughter? This is Jessica.
Self: [Waves a bit more tentatively.] Hi!
Everyone: Hello!
Mary: I'm cold.
Grandpa: You need a sweater! Jessica --
Self: I already asked, but --
Grandpa: She needs a sweater!
Self: All right, all right. Mary, would you like me to go to your --
Mary: No, dear, that's fine.
Self: Okay. Just let me know.
[Two minutes of something else]
Grandpa: Have you met my granddaughter Jessica?
Anyway. Good times! It's 5PM, time for me to blow outta here.
