fearlesstemp (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fearlesstemp) wrote2005-08-23 02:55 am
fearlesstemp) wrote2005-08-23 02:55 am
Entry tags:
tlc confessional
I am so mopey and cranky and just not my best self today. I blame television.
You see, last night, I was minding my own business, wrapping up a satisfying one-two punch of TV viewage made up of Beach Girls and this History Channel special about Caligula's snazzy pleasure ships, when I started flipping through the channels and came across a special entitled - I am not making this up - THE FACE EATING TUMOR (except it wasn't in caps). The tumor was exactly what it sounds like. It ATE THE PERSON'S FACE. And the person involved was this little boy! Five years old! Oh my God!
I should not have watched the whole thing but I couldn't help myself. It ended on a moving, uplifting note (I don't think this is the sort of thing meriting spoiler warnings - are there really people who want to stay in suspense about a young boy in a perilous medical situation?), but it was still pretty disturbing. I mean, yes, the dedication of the medical team and the relationship between the boy and his father both moved me to tears in a good way, but still. FACE EATING TUMOR. Even though I know it's a genetic condition that appears before one is, say, twenty-five, I still find myself reaching up and tentatively touching my cheeks to make sure one hasn't expanded to the size of a grapefruit.
That's such an insensitive thing to say! And I think that's why the documentary made me so uncomfortable. It made me realize that even though I try to be a sensitive person, I'm nowhere near all the way there. When I first saw the boy in the documentary my reaction wasn't, "Oh, look. A fellow human being in a difficult situation. What a long road this young soul must have had to travel already. I wonder where his journey will take him next." It was, "OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAHHHH! IS THAT A PERSON?! AAAAHHHHH! FACE EATING TUMOR!" And I had the sickening realization that even though I knew he was a five year old boy, it wasn't until enough of the tumor was removed to reveal one of his eyes that I really recognized him as a child instead of as some horrifying medical condition. I felt like an awful person.
Oh my God. What made me click on a link called, "Born Without a Face"? Why would I do that? Oh my God. I'm going through the same thing all over again. It's a horrifying sight. Is it wrong for me to be horrified? Am I not highly evolved enough? I'm not. I'm an awful person. She's a human being. How would I feel if people were repulsed by the way I looked to the point that they composed entries in their online journals about me? Maybe people DO!
But really: things like this make me wonder about how one goes about being a good person. Does a good person not have these reactions in the first place? Or is the road to good personhood the act of trying to move beyond that reaction? I'm pretty sure blabbering about it in one's online journal earns a person no points.
You know what's a good pick me up after something like that? Lots of historical footage from World War II, with a happy-go-lucky title like, "Civilians at War" and lots of stories of concentration camps, bombing of civilian targets, fascism, and starvation. Good times. That's how I spent my afternoon and early evening, after giving over a good chunk earlier in the day to the Great Depression and the rise of fascism in Europe during the 1930s. I turned away from these for stretches of time to do very important things like eat a sub, watch part of General Hospital, and hang out with my bud Anna, but had to go back to watching them because they're for an assignment I've got to get done by tomorrow night. I still have hours of footage to watch.
Okay! Enough negativity! GOOD THINGS! I'll come up with five.
1. Aforementioned Anna is in town for a few weeks, after spending a year in Germany and before she moves to California for an undetermined length of time. Having Anna here is awesome and hanging out with her is always fun.
2. The sub I ate today was really excellent.
3. My brother announced earlier tonight that his new plan for the rest of the summer is building a hammock, which should be entertaining.
4. The Mets won.
5. I cleaned my room yesterday, which means I no longer live in fear that I will be suffocated in my sleep by a pile of laundry, either by the dirty laundry made animate after lying unwashed for so long in the corner of my room, or by the clean laundry toppling over after being piled so high at the end of my bed that I couldn't see the TV. Now I can sleep soundly.
And that is all.
You see, last night, I was minding my own business, wrapping up a satisfying one-two punch of TV viewage made up of Beach Girls and this History Channel special about Caligula's snazzy pleasure ships, when I started flipping through the channels and came across a special entitled - I am not making this up - THE FACE EATING TUMOR (except it wasn't in caps). The tumor was exactly what it sounds like. It ATE THE PERSON'S FACE. And the person involved was this little boy! Five years old! Oh my God!
I should not have watched the whole thing but I couldn't help myself. It ended on a moving, uplifting note (I don't think this is the sort of thing meriting spoiler warnings - are there really people who want to stay in suspense about a young boy in a perilous medical situation?), but it was still pretty disturbing. I mean, yes, the dedication of the medical team and the relationship between the boy and his father both moved me to tears in a good way, but still. FACE EATING TUMOR. Even though I know it's a genetic condition that appears before one is, say, twenty-five, I still find myself reaching up and tentatively touching my cheeks to make sure one hasn't expanded to the size of a grapefruit.
That's such an insensitive thing to say! And I think that's why the documentary made me so uncomfortable. It made me realize that even though I try to be a sensitive person, I'm nowhere near all the way there. When I first saw the boy in the documentary my reaction wasn't, "Oh, look. A fellow human being in a difficult situation. What a long road this young soul must have had to travel already. I wonder where his journey will take him next." It was, "OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAHHHH! IS THAT A PERSON?! AAAAHHHHH! FACE EATING TUMOR!" And I had the sickening realization that even though I knew he was a five year old boy, it wasn't until enough of the tumor was removed to reveal one of his eyes that I really recognized him as a child instead of as some horrifying medical condition. I felt like an awful person.
Oh my God. What made me click on a link called, "Born Without a Face"? Why would I do that? Oh my God. I'm going through the same thing all over again. It's a horrifying sight. Is it wrong for me to be horrified? Am I not highly evolved enough? I'm not. I'm an awful person. She's a human being. How would I feel if people were repulsed by the way I looked to the point that they composed entries in their online journals about me? Maybe people DO!
But really: things like this make me wonder about how one goes about being a good person. Does a good person not have these reactions in the first place? Or is the road to good personhood the act of trying to move beyond that reaction? I'm pretty sure blabbering about it in one's online journal earns a person no points.
You know what's a good pick me up after something like that? Lots of historical footage from World War II, with a happy-go-lucky title like, "Civilians at War" and lots of stories of concentration camps, bombing of civilian targets, fascism, and starvation. Good times. That's how I spent my afternoon and early evening, after giving over a good chunk earlier in the day to the Great Depression and the rise of fascism in Europe during the 1930s. I turned away from these for stretches of time to do very important things like eat a sub, watch part of General Hospital, and hang out with my bud Anna, but had to go back to watching them because they're for an assignment I've got to get done by tomorrow night. I still have hours of footage to watch.
Okay! Enough negativity! GOOD THINGS! I'll come up with five.
1. Aforementioned Anna is in town for a few weeks, after spending a year in Germany and before she moves to California for an undetermined length of time. Having Anna here is awesome and hanging out with her is always fun.
2. The sub I ate today was really excellent.
3. My brother announced earlier tonight that his new plan for the rest of the summer is building a hammock, which should be entertaining.
4. The Mets won.
5. I cleaned my room yesterday, which means I no longer live in fear that I will be suffocated in my sleep by a pile of laundry, either by the dirty laundry made animate after lying unwashed for so long in the corner of my room, or by the clean laundry toppling over after being piled so high at the end of my bed that I couldn't see the TV. Now I can sleep soundly.
And that is all.
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When I was a wee young-un, new to the employment field post-college, I worked for a time at a children's hospital in the craniofacial unit. That was the multidisciplinary clinic where kids with birth defects such as the one pictured and others such as hemangiomas, cleft lips & palates, etc., came for treatment and follow up. So, it wasn't all that disturbing in that respect, but it was the worst deformity I'd ever seen.
(When I transferred from the children's hospital to the plastic surgery unit, the head doctor as a "getting to know us" gesture made all of the new employees watch films of some of his work. I mean, if you've never seen someone's face entirely removed, repositioned and replaced, you should be quite glad. I still have the wig.)
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Also: Aaah! Removal of face footage! You totally have me beat when it comes to disturbing footage.
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