Ask to see the "professional writer's" credentials. I am curious to see what makes one professional, besides being an utter twitface.

I am very glad you didn't shoplift; have nearly done that far too many times myself. It's the combination of something lovely that will suit you (meaning it doesn't look or feel out of place looped around your wrist or held in your hand) and a complete lack of short-term memory. At least, I think that's the culprit in my case. What was I saying?