fearlesstemp: (cary and baby)
Do you know what I hate? I hate when you discover you've been operating under a false assumption. For example, I assumed that the blue folder on the top shelf of my bookshelf was the blue folder I needed to complete my independent study writeup tonight (the blue folder I need has stuff in there like format, and structure, and notes about where I was going). Instead it turns out to be the blue folder for my job hunt, which is also necessary at some point, but NOT RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW I need the stupid independent study folder, so I can BS another eight pages before I go to bed and ENJOY MY MONDAY. Instead I have this stupid OTHER blue folder.

Why are they both blue folders? Because I am stupid.

GRR! ARGH! EXPLETIVE DELETED! I seriously don't even know where to begin looking for this. I hate losing things. And the thing is, I lose things a lot. There's a familiar pattern.

Step One: Realize something is lost. GRR! ARGH! EXPLETIVE DELETED!

Step Two: Wallow for at ten minutes in sadness over the item being misplaced.

Step Three: Engage in some intense self-loathing for being so disorganized (this can take anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours; I think I'm clocking in at fifty minutes right now).

Step Four: Compose a procrastinatory LJ entry.

Step Five: Start actively looking.

Look at how much time I would save if I just jumped right from Step One to Step Five. That's what a sensible, efficient person would do. But I bet sensible, efficient people don't lose things with the frequency that I do, and therefore don't have to engage in this kind of behavior. WHY AM I NOT SENSIBLE AND EFFICIENT? I know this is my fault. I would say that I have tried to change, but I haven't. I joined the get_a_handle LJ community, and I've watched Clean Sweep on TLC, and I totally watch Oprah every chance I get, but that's about as far as I go. And so I remain a defective model of human being. Le Sigh.

Off to search. Frustration vented.

ETA: This is totally random, but since I am going to be AMAZINGLY SUPER PRODUCTIVE after I find my GD folder, and therefore won't be writing any other LJ entries tonight, I wanted to share this. Last night I went out to dinner with my family and seated at the next table was this guy who was the spitting image of Dwight Schrute from The Office. He had the glasses, the hair, the vaguely creepy mannerisms - the whole nine. He was wearing an "I *heart* Me" T-shirt and was seated across from a woman whom he barely spoke to the entire evening, and sat the entire time turned almost sideways, staring at something behind me (or at least I hope that's what he was staring at, and not, you know, me).

Lest you think it was just me, halfway through dinner I leaned back so as to be out of his line of vision, and whispered to my brother, "Doesn't that guy look like Dwight from The Office?"

And my brother looked over all super-caj, and then said, "Dude. Totally."

Dwight lives!

ETA Part Deux: FOUND IT! It was literally in the first place I looked, and took approx. twelve seconds to find. Am so ridiculous. All that time wasted, all that stress, over nothing. Story of my life. Additional bonus: I think I have to write a lot less than I anticipated having to. Sweetness.

Really going now.
fearlesstemp: (Default)
My great fear about the test tomorrow is that I will get an essay question about Mesopotamian gender roles, or contrasting dynastic changes in China and Japan, but since I cannot control the GD essay question, and actually brought my tattered copy of the N.Y.S. Global History and Geography Regents Review Book out to dinner with me last night (read it at odd moments in the middle of T.G.I.Friday's), I have decided to LET THE STRESS GO. Before I do that, however! A few things.

FIRST, I feel compelled to mention that Wentworth Miller has given another interview in which he demonstrates his and my mfeo-ness. You will recall that in the Valentine's Day issue of People, he mentioned Hello by Lionel Richie as a favorite love song. LIONEL RICHIE. And then today I was reading his interview in TV Guide (during one of the several, lengthy study breaks I took today - I'm not a machine, people! I need some chill time! Probably not nearly as much chill time as I took, but still!), and found this exchange:

TV Guide: How do you pass the time when they're applying Michael's full-body tattoo?

Jess's Future Husband: I listen to my iPod. I watch old movies on a little TV/DVD set, like "His Girl Friday" or the original "The Hills Have Eyes."

Okay, I've never seen The Hills Have Eyes because I can't handle scary movies, but! HIS GIRL FRIDAY, people! It's like he's working his way through my icons and mentioning one in every interview. If he talks up Strictly Ballroom next, or Fred 'n Ginger, or Frank Capra, I'll really start to suspect.

[NOTE: I am fully aware that Wentworth Miller is not actually attempting to contact me via his interviews, and is not, in fact, my future husband. That honor is reserved for George Clooney.]

SECOND, I hope all of you have seen these spoiler pictures of an upcoming Prison Break episode. They involve Michael and Sara. I will say no more. Look how restrained I am being.

THIRD, do you think that Michael and Sucre are, like, the Cellblock Couple of Fox River? I mean, sure, Michael is constantly turning up all mysteriously injured and everything, but other than that, they have such a nice, warm, affectionate friendship, and, for all the rest of the inmates know, prison romance. He and Sucre hang out together all the time, chat with each other intensely, hang a sheet almost every night - I just keep picturing the other prisoners turning to their cellies, pointing at Michael and Sucre, all, "Why can't we be like that? Sucre never makes Michael wear short-shorts."

FOURTH, I should state for the record that I watched General Hospital in its entirety more than once this week. I seriously can't remember the last time this happened. I am genuinely enjoying several storylines! As much as I don't like the Emily/Sonny romance in and of itself (it seems kind of forced and weird to me), I do love the stuff that's happening as a result of it. And I may be alone in this, but I like the Sam/Alexis storyline a lot. Wednesday's episode was legitimately excellent in that department and the rest of the week was pretty good, too. And, of course, Patrick/Robin 4eva!

FIFTH, I don't know if you've heard, but the Mets are doing awesome this year. Go Mets!
fearlesstemp: (mr. smith with book)
I totally guessed more winners than anyone else at the Golden Globes get together I went to tonight, which means that I'm nine dollars richer than I was when the event started. Sweetness! Guess who's getting an actual lunch tomorrow instead of a bag of Smartfood? Yes! That's right! Me!

In other news: I have misplaced the very expensive textbook I need for class tomorrow night. I blame this on my better impulses, because my better impulses led me to clean my office yesterday (and by "office" I mean "corner of the room I share with my father's computer, a treadmill, several suitcases, multiple potted plants, and my father's artwork"), and now I can't find anything. Very irritating. I mean, okay, sure, it does look a bit less like a deranged shut-in/burgeoning serial killer's workspace, but I don't really care about appearances right now. Well, okay, I do care about appearances - namely the appearance of my nose, which has suddenly turned the angry shade of red I recognize from two things: (1) that claymation Rudolph special, and (2) pictures of myself in high school. If I could travel back in time and change anything, I would definitely go back to high school and give myself a better haircut and a vial of Clinique liquid concealer. I would probably also tell myself to drop AP Calc and stress out less.

I bet that's the advice my future self would give me right now - well, beauty tips adjusted for future developments and discoveries. But the less stressing advice would almost definitely remain the same. I am working on that. I am not completely succeeding.

You know how sometimes you'll be writing an LJ entry, and you'll get to the next part of it, and you write three versions of that next part and each one of them sucks more than the one that came before? Yeah, that's happening right now. I'm cutting my losses and going to bed.

One quick note: I'm going to try to update more in this here LJ, because I feel it's better for my mental health to have as many outlets as possible for my random stressy outbursts. This means that while the quantity of entries may go up, the quality will almost definitely continue to decline. Apologies in advance!
fearlesstemp: (mr. smith with book)
In list form because I've had eight hours of sleep total since Sunday morning, and my mental resources are lacking.

1. My car just had seven hundred dollars of repairs done. I think I felt a physical pain typing that sentence. I need a massive financial windfall. STAT.

2. Yesterday I had my first conference with my teaching lab instructor about the five-minute Anticipatory Sets my partner and I were supposed to come up with over the weekend. The lab instructor offered the kind of honest, direct critique one would associate with your run-of-the-mill evil overlord. She made my partner cry and I kind of want to throw up right now thinking of the revisions I have to do.

3. Said revisions are nausea-inducing in part because I showed my work to my methods teacher and he gave me contradictory advice.


5. Is anyone else out there watching Into the West? Anyone? I missed the first two hours so I'm still kind of confused about how everyone is related, but dudes, I LOVE IT. The writing is kind of, well, bad, especially the dialog, and there are lots of cases where you feel like they're trying to cram a history unit into a storyline, but the show more than makes up for it by having dreamy guys in lead roles and devoting a good portion of the second episode to a wagon trail expedition that was, basically, a live-action version of Oregon Trail. I devoted many hours of my elementary years to Oregon Trail. Awesome game. I could have offered such advice to the characters in the story. Don't try to cross the river! Take a ferry!

6. On the up side, I have high speed internet at home now. Sweetness! I just watched the Goblet of Fire trailer three times. OMG HARRY!

7. OMG really don't want to revise Anticipatory Set!

8. All I do lately is go to school (it's either four or eight hours a day, every day, except for the weekends, and we have a 5-10 page writing assignment due every Monday and other homework - like the Anticipatory Set lesson planning - to do then too, so those days fill up) and obsess over Into the West. I've already talked about Into the West, so I guess I'll talk about school. It's been an interesting experience so far for a lot of reasons. There's an overwhelming amount of information, and they ask a lot of us, but most of what we're learning is interesting and seems like it will be useful down the road.

9. That said, I'm really struggling with my perfectionist tendencies - I hate making mistakes, and this whole program is about making them and learning from them. No one can be perfect the first time. BUT I WANT TO BE.

10. As a result of (9) (yes, I am aware that these numberings are pretty arbitrary - too tired to structure more carefully), I find myself assaulting myself with a variety of self-help affirmations and encouraging statements. Right now the record playing in my brain has three tracks: It's Okay to Make Mistakes, This is a Learning Experience, and You'll Do Fine.

That is all for now.
fearlesstemp: (working girl)
So I have another temp job tomorrow. Joy! My temp agency pimp (timp), Chris, called me yesterday and said RandomCompany wanted me to start tomorrow morning. I said sure. Then she called back and said that the company wanted me to sit down for an interview, which was annoying because it's a two week assignment covering phones and, also, the whole POINT of temping is not having to interview. I guess they just wanted to look me over, make sure I have a full set of teeth or something. Like I'm livestock.

Anyway, apparently I did okay because I'm headed out there at 8AM tomorrow. Again, joy!

The interview took place right after my Big Scary Ed Psych Test, which I've been whining about to anyone and everyone for the past week or so. I'm surprised anyone is still speaking to me. In fact, the experience has highlighted how awesome my friends are, as one called me from a train station, another from Germany, another from her car, all to find out how the test was. Every time I answered the call I was touched by their thoughtfulness and touched by self-loathing, because it made me realize exactly how much I've been whining about it, and also, would I be so thoughtful? Perhaps we should revisit the Forgetting the Best Friend's Birthday Incident of 2004.

On second thought, let's not.

Anyway, the test: The test consisted of eight essay questions, I filled a blue book, I completely made up one answer and found out when I checked the book that I wasn't completely off track. I will find out if I passed tomorrow. OMG THE STRESS. But I will not say anymore because, again, have been whining about it for a week now.

Post-test and interview, I scooted forty-five minutes north to meet R for some tutoring. You guys. He is doing so well. I can't figure out a way to write about it that isn't incredibly corny. Last week he sounded out "parking" on his own. This week he got a whole stack of vocabulary flashcards right for the first time. Lest I get too overconfident, he still says "plastic" for almost every word starting with p. Why? I don't know. Last week he was saying "place" for every p word. I learned from my Ed Psych studying that the worst thing to do is to introduce a number of vocabulary words starting with the same letter to a student. Right now I've got him trying to learn, like, five words that start with p. Go me! Awesome!

Also, "did" is almost always "don't" even though I've never, ever included "don't" in an exercise. It's maddening. Last week I actually sat there and said, "see, let's try - okay, d-i-d is did, okay? D-i-d did. D-i-d did, d-i-d did, d-i-d did, d-i-d did." I actually kind of sang it after the sixth or seventh time, bopping around in my seat. R just looked at me like I was crazy. Which I am.

I finished up my super-exciting thrill-packed day at the nursing home, where I dropped off some adult diapers from my grandfather. He called to ask them to drop them off yesterday. At 1:50 in the morning. I was awake and everything, but it gave me a heart attack, all, "Oh my God, someone's DEAD" and then, when I pick up, it's his wide-awake voice saying, "Oh, hello, dear, could you bring by some didees?"

Tonight he greeted me at the door of his room with the following statement: "Sweetheart! How nice of you to come see me! I have to go to the bathroom." Then he proceeded to roll into the bathroom use the facilities with the door open while I stood awkwardly by the windows and listened to hear if he'd fallen in or down or anything. Good times.

Afterwards we watched the end of an Audrey Hepburn/Cary Grant movie together. Audrey Hepburn was okay. Cary Grant was awesome (is he ever not?).

And now I have to go to bed!
fearlesstemp: (lionel)
Am emerging from a week spent working on journals from my two weeks of observation in area schools - altogether, I wrote somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 pages (double-spaced, and without any real narrative thread, just a bunch of stupid observation exercises and my oh-so-insightful reflections on them, so it's not as bad as it sounds). I did most of the writing on Tuesday and Thursday, with Monday devoted primarily to the very important task of complaining about the project to everyone I know and not really doing anything; Wednesday devoted to spending time with my grandmother and indulging PMS-heightened weepiness by watching the season finale of Jack & Bobby (the sight of them RUNNING just GETS ME) and then - the killer - Beaches, which is just as bad as you think it is; and today devoted to printing out the 60 pages, delivering them, and then baby-sitting.

The most annoying part of the whole thing is that the observations were great experiences and I want to write about them in here but at this point I'm so sick of writing about them that I just can't. Maybe in a few days.

Anyway, switching topics to something really important: Somehow I found the time this week to read The Grand Sophy by Georgette Heyer (I neglected to return phone calls from family members, I further cemented my title as Worst Maid of Honor Ever by avoiding pre-wedding activities, but by God I found a way to devour that book!), and I loved it SO MUCH that I'm feeling post-book depression right now. I must know which Heyer novels are just like it so that I can alienate more friends and family by reading some more. Of her books, I've read: The Nonesuch, A Convenient Marriage, A Lady of Quality, Sylvester, The Unknown Ajax, and...I'm almost sure there's one more but I can't think of it. Oh! Two more! Arabella and The Masqueraders. And I think that's it.

And oh, I got called out to participate in some memes! I am up to the challenge.

book meme, music meme )

So yesterday I got a package in the mail about my MAT program, including a schedule, a bunch of articles to read, and a two-page questionnaire and waiver form for the "off-campus bonding experience" I will be going on after the first week of classes. You guys. They speak of interpersonal and physical activities! After typing that, I realize that it kind of sounds like a mating camp or something, but it's actually more along the lines of trust falls and three-legged races and stuff. They want me to stay overnight! At a place that has "Camp" in its title! Will I have to sleep under the stars? How will I keep up my Proactiv regimen in such primitive conditions?

I really don't want to do a trust fall. I keep envisioning all of my most scarring gym class experiences happening in the space of one day with a bunch of people I've never met before.

Okay, am so tired now, eyes aren't staying open. Sleep!


fearlesstemp: (Default)

February 2009

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