fearlesstemp: (working girl)
[personal profile] fearlesstemp
Guys, it is summer, which means I'm not teaching, which means I have all sorts of time to Accomplish Things, yet all it seems I've been accomplishing so far is:

-developing an addiction to Junior Mints,
-reactivating my ABC Daytime addiction,
-reading piles of books I left around during the school year,
-watching tons of movies (both of the cinematic and awful LMN variety), and
-that's about it.

My room is only half-cleaned and my half of the office hasn't even been touched. I haven't updated my teaching portfolio, and to be honest, I'm not 100% I know where it is. Oh, I have applied for some jobs. So there's something.

One thing I did last week is visit my grandfather's grave for the first time. It was weird; I've driven past the cemetery where he's buried a huge number of times (in fact, every day on my way home from work - it's on one of the busiest roads in my hometown) and I've never gone. I've never been to the cemetery where my other grandfather has been buried since the day of his funeral, which was five years ago.

I kind of worry that this makes me an awful person, especially since it's not like this is being done as a symptom of a bad relationship I had with either of them. I had great relationships with both of them. I loved them very much - still love them. Still miss them. But the cemetery just doesn't seem like where they are, to me.

And so every day I drove past the cemetery and didn't think too much about it. For me, the physical place I visited to mourn my grandfather this year wasn't the cemetery but his house, which was successfully sold a couple of months ago. That's gone now - I can't exactly pop in on the new owners and ask to walk through the downstairs and stand in random rooms for long stretches of time for no particular reason, the way I did before the papers were signed. Maybe that's why recently I've had this flash when I drive past the cemetery lately, a quick burst of Ishouldgointhere. The first time I listened to it was last week.

My grandfather used to take me to the cemetery with him after my grandmother died. It was an important place to him, which is why I think I've been to his gravesite and not my other grandfather's. He would kneel on the ledge of the headstone in the middle and my brother and I would kneel on either side and we'd say prayers. I did the same thing when I went, and it was weird: familiar, but also strange, since I'm twenty-seven, not eleven, and so the proportions are all different. Also, I was alone. The back of the gravestone is different, too, my grandfather's date of death added in.

After that, I went and looked at some other headstones in the older part of the cemetery, which was down this short but steep hill. I ambled around for a while (is it morbid that I like to imagine the lives of the people whose names I see on the stones?), and then decided to go back. Walked over to the little hill, stepped up and just about face-planted. Flip flops + steep incline + wet grass = disaster. There was some dude about fifty feet away cutting the grass, looking right in my direction, so the whole time I was doing this awkward, wide-legged, arms-windmilling climb, I know he was watching. I felt pretty stupid.

Especially when I realized the solution: taking off the flip flops. Bare feet are perfect for such terrain. I scooted right up, hopped in my car, put on some Johnny Cash.

One thing of note: I didn't really cry while I was there. I got all scrunchy-faced and sniffly, but no real crying. It's strange; I rarely cry when I am sad over something in my own life, probably because if I feel the urge, the first impulse is to stifle it and move on. Wow, that sounds way more messed up than it feels! I cry all the time with sad movies, commercials, documentaries, TV shows, etc., though. Why is that? I suspect I am extremely dysfunctional. Yes, that sounds about right.

And okay, I got tagged to take part in some memes! [livejournal.com profile] callmesandy asked me five questions, and [livejournal.com profile] kaelie asked me about five songs I'm into!



1. once and former mets still playing, who's your fave?

I love Mike Piazza, but I think this honor has to go to the Met who spent the longest time as my designated favorite player: utility player Joe McEwing, who was with the Mets from around 2000-2004. He could play every position except pitcher and was nicknamed SuperJoe and for some reason, I just loved him. I just did some searching and found out he's signed a minor league contract with the Boston Red Sox, which I'm counting as still playing (we just don't see him) - it looks like he was injured last year. I really hope he makes his way back to the majors. Go SuperJoe!

2. never a met, still playing, you dearly wish they played for your team?

Vladimir Guerrerro! He used to play for the Expos (now the Nationals) who the Mets played a lot, so I saw how awesome he was as a player, and when his contract expired and I knew he was headed for a big market team, I was hoping and hoping it would be the Mets. But no! It wasn't to be.

3. one story of your favorite teacher in high school?

I'm not sure I had a definite favorite teacher in high school (and I'm a teacher!). One strong memory I have is of one of my writing teachers (we took the course separate from literature) telling me that try as I might, I'm just not suited to writing darker things. That's something I definitely have found to be true and which really helped me find my voice. I do have a strong memory of a favorite teacher in middle school, my seventh grade social studies teacher. What I remember about him is how much I felt he really cared about us. One day, he gave us all sheets of paper with a grid on it (kind of like a checkerboard), and every time we heard someone say something negative about us (or maybe it was when we said something negative about someone else?), we had to rip off a square. It was supposed to represent how words break down people or something, and I'm not sure it was terribly effective (I remember boys in my class deliberately saying mean things to each other to get people's sheets torn up more quickly), but I remember being impressed by the effort. I think that informed who I am as a teacher a lot.

4. how much do you love FNL, details please?

OMG SO MUCH! I love it the way little kids love ice cream - every time you experience it, it's like an amazing discovery of something so perfect you can't believe it actually exists. I love Matt Saracen to a RIDICULOUS DEGREE, and I love his romance between him and Julie in a way I don't think I've loved another pairing on a TV show. I'm insanely protective of it - I can see other characters mixing and matching, but Matt and Julie? NEVER. I remember when the show first came on and it felt like you were the only person in the world watching it with me, and I remember how exciting it was when I discovered you felt the same way about Matt and Julie as I do.

5. favorite movie made after 1979?

This is a toughie! I'm going to go with the first answer that came to me (though I'm sure ten better answers will come to me ten minutes after posting this): The Royal Tenenbaums. It's a movie where every element works for me: the acting, the music, the set design, the costumes. And while it's clever and strange and funny, the reason that it's my favorite is because every time I watch it, I cry at the end and feel like I could rewind it back to the beginning and start over.

[livejournal.com profile] kaelie tagged me for the five songs I'm into meme! Most people have been linking to the actual songs but I lack the knowhow to put files up. Am so stupid about things like this. So I just have the song title and artist, because I'm LAME.

It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm just not that into music. Isn't that terrible? I haven't used my ipod since my plane landed a week and a half ago, and the only time I listen to music now is in my car. So my exposure to artists isn't tremendously wide.

Anyway, five songs! In no particular order!

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

If I really think about this song while I'm listening to it, I end up crying in my car. Most of the time, I just sing along to the lyrics and feel a tinge of sadness. I love the melody and the lyrics, especially: city lights lay out before us/your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder/ and i had a feeling that i belonged/i had a feeling i could be someone, be someone

Future Sex Love Sounds - Justin Timberlake

With Mr. JT, there are many of his songs that I don't think much of at first and then suddenly, inexplicably, LOVE. This is one of those songs. LOVE IT.

Pocketful of Rainbows - Elvis Presley

I'm not a huge Elvis fan, but there are some songs where I'm almost convinced to be. The opening lyrics of this song are: I don't worry/Whenever skies are gray above/Got a pocketful of rainbows/Got a heart full of love. For some reason, EVERY TIME I listen to it, I get cheerful.

A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash

I linked to a recording of this earlier, and the song is still sticking with me. I don't know; it's fun to sing along to, and I like the word choice and turns of phrase throughout. Example: I tell ya I've fought tougher men/But I really can't remember when/He kicked like a mule and bit like a crocodile

Don't Stop Believing - Journey

A friend burned this onto a CD for me a couple of months ago, and the recent A&E commercials for the Sopranos featuring snippets of the song always trigger this need to hear it so that when I get in the car, a lot of the time I end up digging around for that CD so I can belt it out.

Date: 2007-07-17 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] callmesandy.livejournal.com
Hey, just to note: matt/julie forever!!!!!!!!!! :)

Date: 2007-07-17 11:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] remainthesame.livejournal.com
ah ha ha! best icon and icon keywords EVAH!

Date: 2007-07-18 01:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] callmesandy.livejournal.com
I made it myself! You should feel free to snag if you ever want. You, Ms. [livejournal.com profile] fearlesstemp, I am happy to share with! :)

Date: 2007-07-19 05:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fearlesstemp.livejournal.com
Thank you for the offer, I might take you up on it! I need a GH icon.

Date: 2007-07-19 05:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fearlesstemp.livejournal.com
4EVA AND EVA!!!

Also: AWESOME icon, as E noted already!

Date: 2007-07-17 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] remainthesame.livejournal.com
I really REALLY want to see that awful movie we talked about the other day...

Date: 2007-07-19 05:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fearlesstemp.livejournal.com
OMG yes! I realized after talking to you that I'd left it at my friend's house - this comment reminded me to get it back! I WILL SPREAD THE AWFULNESS OF THE OUTSIDER IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

Date: 2007-07-18 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keenai.livejournal.com
I have found that I do less when I have a lot of free time. It's just a thing.

Date: 2007-07-19 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fearlesstemp.livejournal.com
I definitely find that to be true about me, too.

Also: That icon is incredibly awesome. It seriously made me laugh out loud.

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